Tuesday, January 8, 2013

You Fake Ass Old Saint Nyck

This story takes place in hood, I personally don’t live there, but you can say I visit some distant friends, or close ones there. How often you say… Everyday, but that is beside’s the point. It’s not important how many times, I enter the hood. What is important is the Christmas story I’m bout to tell you. Now play along, or listen, or whatever you. Wait is somebody recording me for that crappy ass television show Open Season. O yeah slow moment you’re me, and I’m you staring back at me and this is recording. I’m seriously tripping… Pull yourself together Evelyn God that is such a horrible name. What was my mom thinking that’s right she wasn’t because she was high I’m sure of it. Ummm let me think call me Vanessa like Vanessa Williams, but not thee Vanessa Williams. Okay I’m rambling, and I was suppose to been telling the story. The little girl what was her name. See , I was friends at one point with her mother, but I didn’t pay to much attention to her, I don’t like children which means I don’t care to much for them. I played it cool though, I don’t go around broadcasting that I hate children in a sense. Anyway when she first introduced me to the little girl. The little girl I mean her little girl. It was somewhat chilly outside, and she was wrapped up okay so she wouldn’t catch a cold. Then child protective services would get involved since she obviously had some visible issues, but people do change… eventually. So like yeah when she uncovered the child, I had jumped back, and in my mind I’m like what the hell is that, but when she had saw my reaction, I Had to regroup like Jy quick, and was on some O yeah Man that’s nice. Girl Ahhhh you have a pretty lil girl, but back in my mind I’m thinking I just dodged that bullet. Cause see she like to fight, and I throw hands DOWN!!! So, I mean it was in my best entrance to lie. You mind if I take a picture, I know how some people don’t like it. O nal girl go head its cool she sleeping anyway. Wait she sleep with her eyes open… Never no any mind.  You want to come with me to do some last minute Christmas shopping. O I forgot the streets called her Cigerett because she stayed getting smoked out while burning you out all at the same time. Class 101 in Ho Oligi. They said she had the best head God could ever put on the neck of a female, I wouldn’t know but the streets spoke freely of sexual relations. She didn’t know they talked about it, I knew too damn much, and to be honest it was set in my New Years Resolution to stop hanging with her anyway. It’s bad when Miss Burner who stay around the back of the Duplex in my Grand Mamma yard told me she making me look bad. It’s not like, I didn’t have any other friends, but those were the ones you couldn’t take anywhere without them causing a scene and I embarrass real easy I mean I’m not a prude, but I don’t need any unnecessary attention specially on the holidays. To me it seem like the store be super packed, and long as some of these niggas out here criminal records. She ask me all of what, I had to get, and did I put anything on layaway already cause she saved a lot of money last year on everybody’s gift, I was being nice when, I said who gave you money to do anything with, but she laughed. She didn’t get it. This girl was a straight ear head but I enjoyed her company, I believe that I had spoke way to soon before hours. Everything was cool we went to a few stores, I was able to get most of everything, I intended to get. Got something to eat, but me, I had to say let’s go to one more store. The day before Christmas this bitch showed her ass like, I never seen before. If I could of been I Dream of Jeannie, I would have blinked my ass away from her. Apparently this dude that obviously smashed at one point looked too had been on. Well he was on something that night. Soon as he saw her he yoked her ass up, I stayed around just long enough to see him slap the piss outta her a few times. Call me what you want, but I left. Sure the fuck did leave, I left her ass right in that store with him. Plus, I had to wrap gifts it was already late. By the time, I got home bless his little heart my brother Percy was knocked out, I can’t understand for the life of me why he sleep with his ass turnt up like that. Anyway mom told us not to tell him Saint Nick was a fake, and we all brought his shit. Are you serious this year again Percy is 19 now. It don’t look right to me that a might as well grown ass man still believes in Santa Claus, but I respect my mom a little when she’s not on the stuff. Her head is clear somewhat, and she reasonable, but anyway, I wasn’t going to tell that boy he wasn’t real, I call myself leaving that to the boys in the hood, but it hasn’t worked yet because he doesn’t mention it to anybody but us. He sat out cookies, and everything again this year. He made them and they burnt. Sometimes, I seriously believe he on that stuff just like my drug addict mom. Which is why it’s been long enough, I have a plan this Christmas to solve all this bullshit. ( A few hours later )… I knew my mom would be high as Georgia Pine so, I sent her in the room and gave her a Santa Suit, I cop at a thrift store complete with the in store smell. Told her to go in the front room and set up the gifts, and them hard burnt as cookies while, I keep a look out… Yeah right, I ran in the room and woke up Percy… IT’S CHRISTMAS MOTHA FUCKA WAKE UP!!! He woke up SANTA, SANTA, I knew he would come, but when he ran in the front room, and saw my mom putting gifts, and eating them cookies at the same damn time under the tree with no explanation as to why. This bitch was caught red handed, I laugh so hard. Call it what you want he needed to know. He walked passed me and, and said damn Evelyn all this time, I thought Santa was real when in all reality it’s been my crack headed momma, I can’t say that my feelings aren’t hurt. Why didn’t no body tell me. Well guess what Percy, I just did. Then mom ran up to him trying to plead her innocence, but the damaged had already been done, and my planned worked. Percy please he is real umm, umm I was just helping him baby. SHUT UP HE IS NOT… just stop lying. You high you don’t understand. It’s not funny… Fuck Christmas. You fake ass Old Saint Nick. The End

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