Puzzled Mind At Timez

You get like that in relationships, but is it wrong not to give so much of yourself all the time, or maybe not even half of the time, I sort out & wanted a relationship so bad mentally scarring myself to the possibility of being happen Ion think it could be him CAUSE It's me, and I know it's me I'm not everything somebody would want just yet. Matter of fact I don't think I've ever been cause until now long lasting just wan't possible, I was just running into individual men that wanted or needed to have just a right now. Goes to show you what kind of men that I linked up with..  some of the lowest of the 3rd world kind, but if the list was presented then you might fall back inside yourself as a result of brain trauma, I didn't have the sense to not be so forward with them thinking if I could be something more to them. Then maybe they would call more, or spend more, and care even more. The cat was just a escape goat, and I went threw about 8 or 11 including the babies that Micah had in a nearby tree, I miss her because I spent the most time with her, and she was my 3rd cat, I remember them all Scar was a girl, I got from my block. Later came Gisel, and then Micah. Maybe this was a sign that losing or giving them up was a way to say my life, and happiness was temp & those things of any good wouldn't be a long term remain, I said all this to say that now I have what I want, and my head is even more at a solitary stand still. I've gone threw so much emotionally that, I don't feel like at times, I belong here in this one, and I've already lost 2 more cats Charlie, Chubbi, and a Dogg Free. Is this a sign that it's history repeating itself all over once more, or is it just me not allowing myself to get over the bumps made into stops signs in the past. None of this has to be but it is. Which says a lot about my current fucked up mind state, I don't have all the answers, but If I can write. You can read it how many times you would like to inturpit your own feel of what goes on in your reality, and or mines, I can only tell you how I feel, and nobody else life has anything to do with my current. Do what you will with it, but what's simple to you isn't always that simple to the next.